Pope Factor: Jorge is crowned the winner

I realise that some people may be offended or consider blasphemous part of what I say in this post and to avoid that from happening just don’t read this. Click here for links to other articles.

White smoke and bells ringing = the presenter announces: ‘voting is shut and all votes have been counted…’

Abemus Papam = the Winner Is…

Jorge Mario Bergoglio know as Francis I

Argentina's Jorge Mario Bergoglio at the window of the balcony at St Peter's Basilica after being elected Pope

Massive cheers, applause, excitement, anticipation in the audience people go crazy…

The crowd erupts when he finally appears on the balcony and takes to the mike. Nobody expected him to sing, because that is not the requirement for this kind of talent show.

How did they choose the Pope?

They were led by the Holy Spirit. 

Not the Holy Wine but they went for spirits?!

I can imagine the range of drinking games that must have been taking place inside the Sistine chapel. And after a few rounds of ‘ring of fire’ (‘never have I ever’ must have been hilarious)  everyone was in the right spirit to start deciding who would be the new Pope.

But still, what did they discuss? What are the criteria to become a Pope? Did you have to be..

..the most drunk or sober after the drinking games?

..the winner of a round of musical chairs?

..the one with the most money at the end of a few Poker rounds?

..could it be like a lad competition on how many people they slept with?

..the one with the biggest dick? No that would be stupid, if not we most likely would have had a black pope at some stage.. Possibly the opposite?

Or maybe it’s something more sinister such as global political and powerful connections? Out of all the criteria I hope they did not use this last one but I have a nasty feeling they might have.

All these are just guesses but I honestly do not have a clue.

 After the elections all the media talk about the winner, life, gossip and so on is splattered across the front pages globally  Just as the British press does in the aftermath of the ‘X-factor Final’.

A reader looks at the first edition of the Vatican newspaper L'Osservatore Romano after the election of Pope Francis

The first series of the program started back in the 1276 when Innocent V won the title and has been highly popular ever since.

Different from the normal X-Factor: you don’t get a contract with a record company and you will not be number 1 on the Christmas Top 40, but you still get quite a lot.

The following are a few examples:

  • Free rent of a massive luxury apartment in the centre of Rome (bills included).
  • Absolute Power over the Vatican’s kingdom.
  • Strong political influence on Italian politics and on the other Catholic States across the world.
  • World fame.
  • A life long multi million euro contract.
  • Millions of followers on Twitter.
  • Devoted by many people on earth, almost as much as Justin Bieber, but to be fair, who can beat that boy?
  • The responsibility of being a ‘spiritual leader’, an ‘inspiration’ for thousands of people.
  • Has unlimited access to the Vatican Library and historical archives (any historians’ dream).
  • The realistic chance to change the world for the better (no easy but achievable).
  • More chances of becoming a saint than the average priest.
Beyond the ‘media craze’, that is typical of the modern era, the bishop of Rome has now been elected and the 76 year-old man has a lot to deal with.
The fact he chose ‘Francis’ as a name is a sign of hope that maybe he will do what the saint did and leave all his wealth to devote himself to loving nature and helping others. We shall see if the new pope will be this radical and if he is, how long will he last before he suddenly dies of a heart attack in his sleep?
Useful Links:
Vatican Bank Reformation (New York Times)
Pope John Paul I (Wikipedia)
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